How Can I Get a Good Letter of Recommendation for College?

By Kalen Cobb, Associate College Counselor

When I first sat down to write this blog, I intended it to be about how to ask for letters of recommendation for college. I imagined I would include tips on who and when to ask, how to make a good impression, and emphasize the importance of thank you notes. However, there are a number of great resources out there that do just that, so there’s no need for me to reinvent the wheel. (Side note: As you’re getting to know me, be aware that I am from the Midwest and love my idioms, metaphors, and cliches.)

Applying to college can be a daunting process. While we at S. Montgomery Admissions Consulting aim to make it less so, there are still going to be parts that bring you stress. We have ideas on how to utilize overnight programs, tips on preparing for admissions interviews, and advice for international students, among other topics. While you should definitely have a game plan for applying to college, including requesting letters of recommendation, none of that is what I will be talking about today. While I have your attention for the next few minutes, I actually don’t want to focus on the academic or strategic side of things, but I want to bring your attention elsewhere. 

So, I've told you a lot about what this blog is not about, so let me get to the point. Being a high school student should be fun, full of laughter and joy, and the starting point for a number of future memories. What it can often come to, particularly for high-achieving students, is the backdrop to shiny college admissions. I argue, though, that it can be both a time for academic growth and relationship building. 

Building quality relationships is a skill that will never go out of style. While at first it may seem awkward or forced, getting to know your teachers, coaches, and other important adults in your life can be the beginning of building your network. It offers the chance for you to grow your communication skills, reflect on who you are and who you are becoming, and get valuable feedback and advice. For me, creating quality relationships was my favorite part of high school and is one of the reasons requesting letters of recommendation was such a breeze. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. (It wasn’t, it was 2013.) As I was preparing to leave for the summer after completing my junior year, I asked Ms. Brown, my math teacher, to write one of my letters of recommendation. As I had done pretty well in her class and had gone to her office hours after school on a number of occasions, she happily agreed. A few weeks before the start of my senior year, actually as soon as the Common App opened, I sent her a reminder email and she sent me back a kind response that she wouldn’t forget.

That summer, I also had a chance to visit many of the colleges on my list and made the decision to apply to Harvard College under the Restrictive Early Action cycle. When I returned to school, I let Ms. Brown know of my decision and she beamed with pride. She reiterated her support and also agreed to write a letter for all of my schools, if and when I needed her. 

Fast forward to a month or so before the application deadline. One day after school as I was preparing to head to theater practice, Ms. Brown stopped me in the hallway. “I have your letter ready and I will submit it soon. I even took a look at Harvard’s website and made sure to write it in the narrative style they requested.” At the time, I think I expressed a quick, “Thank you so much. That’s very nice” and went on my way. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago (yes, as in 2022) that I realized how thoughtful that really was. She could have written a generic letter and gone on her way, but she invested the time and energy to make sure it fits exactly what the school had asked.

You might be thinking, She did that because you were special, and yes I was and am, but she also did that because we had established a connection outside of class time and she knew how much applying to Harvard meant to me. Building a relationship with your teachers is not about being fake or putting on an act. It’s about remembering that your teacher is also a human being with their own thoughts, feelings, and interests that just might line up with yours. Taking the time to connect with your teachers, even if it’s just asking for clarification on your work, can really make the difference between a good and great letter of recommendation.

The best letters of recommendation I wrote have been for the students who came to see me after school or sought out additional opportunities to get help. They made sure to speak up for themselves and take accountability for their own learning. But not every student has the time nor capacity to come before or after school. What can they do? 

Make class time count. If you have a question about the material you’re studying or want additional feedback on the work you’ve submitted, be sure to let your teacher know. If you have obligations that limit your before and after school time, see if your teacher would be available for a phone call or virtual appointment. Not every teacher is going to be able to do this, though, so respect their boundaries if they tell you “no.” There are a number of ways you can build connections with teachers–the point is that you start with where you are and build from there.

To set yourself up to receive the best possible letter of recommendation, it’s important to have a relationship with your teacher. Again, it does not mean that you have to attend every office hour, volunteer to be the teacher’s helper (unless you want), or get all As in the class. It just means that you have to make some effort at getting to know them and allow them to get to know you, your ideas, interests, and goals. 

I took the time to strengthen my relationship with Ms. Brown because I made it a priority. While I never read Ms. Brown’s letter of recommendation, I know that I am a proud Harvard alumna because of her support and the support of many of my past teachers. As the only Black faculty member at my high school, she taught me the importance of knowing your worth and not being afraid to take up space. Unfortunately, Ms. Brown and I lost touch over the years, but I am forever grateful for the time we spent together. I sincerely hope she is doing well and will carry both the memories and lessons learned with me for the rest of my life. 

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If you’re interested in learning more about the college admissions process and would like support in your journey, we would love to hear from you.