Living with Lupus: Balancing Chronic Illness, Mental Health, and Success

By Sydney Montgomery, CEO & Founder

In honor of Lupus Awareness Month, I wanted to share a little bit about my own chronic illness story. Throughout my twenties, I have had a similar journey that other people living with lupus do - doctors appointments, misdiagnosis, bad medicine reactions, and more. Even with all of those tribulations, I am grateful for the path that chronic illness led me to and the woman I am today because of it. 

My Journey to Diagnoses

Until my senior year of college, my life was “normal.” I was the traditional kid who went through school doing extracurriculars like dance and gymnastics, and I would have never qualified myself as someone living with a disability. The only issue I had ever had physically was a herniated disc in my back, which resolved itself during my freshman year of college. 

That was the case until December 27, 2014. The day made such a change in my life that I can still remember it clearly. It had been my winter break during my senior year of college at Princeton University. I went to pull something out of my backpack, and my back completely spasmed and I wasn’t able to stand. 

Having my background in dance and a herniated disc, doctors assumed that the injury was related to that previous issue. I went through a variety of treatments during the second half of my senior year, from acupuncture to steroids, while they tried to figure out what exactly the issue was. 

Once I graduated, I was starting my journey as a 1L student at Harvard Law School and met with new doctors in Boston. I was taking codeine and Tylenol most days on recommendation from a doctor at Boston Children’s Hospital as they worked on diagnosing me. Soon enough, I had a list of diagnoses from pelvic tilt to joint dysfunction, and the doctors were trying to get me back to a place where I wasn’t in much pain. 

I did another round of steroid injections, which went really horribly. I couldn’t walk, and I ended up taking my first semester of law school exams from bed. I was using my Swiffer as crutches, my friends were printing outlines for me - there was definitely a lot going on in my first year just trying to figure out what was going on. 

For all of my three years at Harvard, I went to a physical therapist twice a week; I was traveling to Wellesley for gyrotonics; I was traveling to Waltham for pelvic floor therapy; I was seeing a chiropractor once a week; I was doing massages once a month. 

I was just trying to do basically everything that I could, but I was in a lot of pain. I was also in school. I was very limited in what I could do but I was trying to not let my health keep me from any opportunities while attending Harvard. 

Fast forward past graduation and I began clerking in the Montgomery County Circuit Court. At that point, I began having way more symptoms. In part, I think it was because I no longer had control over my schedule to regularly go to doctor’s appointments and have active work during only two or three days of the week. As a clerk, I was working from 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. every day. On top of my pain levels with that kind of work schedule, my ADHD was also undiagnosed and unregulated at the time. 

I ended up switching gears and working at a small family law firm, partially for better healthcare and partially because I thought that the moms working there would be more understanding of my health issues. And they were - but I was still hit with a negative performance review at the end of the year. 

It was the first time I had ever “failed” at any type of work or school level. I felt so trapped, because I was putting everything into being able to work, and I still wasn’t performing well. 

After that review, I met with the doctors and they told me that I had to start working part-time for my health. I wasn’t able to work part-time at the law firm, so I ended up taking medical leave first before COVID-19 began. I took out a personal loan for some cushion, I went on unemployment, and started looking for other jobs because I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to that firm after the pandemic. 

At the time, I had been doing admissions consulting on the side, and I started to finally take stock of what was going on and realize that maybe God was telling me to switch gears. I ended up creating a five-page plan about how I was going to support myself. I talked to my parents, letting them know how many students I intended to get, and so on, and I began pursuing consulting full-time. 

God really blessed me, so much so that I was able to make six figures in my business in 2020. Of course, I was still dealing with a lot of struggles and new symptoms, but it became much easier to manage when I became my own boss.

Around a year ago, I was finally correctly diagnosed with hypermobile spectrum disorder, Ehlers Danlos syndrome, and lupus, among other slight immunodeficiencies. 

Balancing Mental Health & Success

Being a successful CEO, I know that people look at me and think “she can’t possibly be suffering that much.” 

I remember having that same attitude toward me when I was diagnosed with ADHD. People would tell me that I couldn’t possibly have ADHD, because I went to Princeton University and Harvard Law School. There’s this misconception that people with ADHD couldn’t possibly achieve such a level of success as going to Ivy League schools. There’s also a misconception that someone in pain can’t run a business.

When I get those responses, I find myself compartmentalizing myself. I’ve talked to my therapist before about the fact that I sometimes separate myself and my body. It may not be one of the healthiest things to do, but it’s the way that I am able to push through. Some days that is easier to obtain, and some it’s definitely harder. 

One of the things that has really helped me work through the pressure put on me as a successful, Black CEO - both by myself and society - and the struggles I have with chronic illness is therapy in general. I recommend therapy for anyone and everyone, but I think there are specific benefits for people who have chronic illnesses and know what that crushing weight can be like. 

I feel like if you’re dealing with chronic illness, especially if there’s any kind of unpredictability, it’s good to have some kind of predictable support system. When you’re looking at a chronic diagnosis and realizing that you’re going to wake up every single day with symptoms, it can be very draining and weigh on you emotionally and physically. 

For me, realizing that it was totally natural to feel those feelings and putting a plan in place to address them was life-changing. 

My faith also plays a huge role in helping me feel centered and supported as a person living with chronic illness. I know that God has put me on the right path in business, and I also know that God can heal me. This illness is here for a reason. 

Part of that reason is my business. I would have never pursued consulting full-time if not for my illness. I would never be creating groundbreaking EdTech software if I didn’t have this illness. Being in touch with that part of my faith is essential to remind me that life is a work in progress, and God has a plan for me. 

Final Thoughts

One thing I don’t want you to walk away from this blog post thinking is: “If Sydney can push through, why can’t I?” Each person has their own journey, especially when you’re dealing with chronic health issues. 

Whatever it looks like in your situation, whether you also have lupus or another chronic illness, it’s okay to struggle and find your own ways of coping. God knew you before he made your body, and He still wanted you. He still thinks that you are good enough to create, so you can still love yourself even if your body feels like it’s telling you a different story. 

And in case you needed to hear it today: If you need to do nothing today, the sun will still rise tomorrow and things will be fine.